That Night

by Nitro     (c) 2001

     It was one of those nights you just seemed to see the world through a different set of eyes. This was a place I loved and felt secure in, but tonight it felt lonely, dark, almost void of life. I sat in the center of the ring staring at my hands, not certain of how to accept the emotions that were running wild in my mind. As I glanced at the faces around me at ringside, I could feel the compassion in their eyes, as well as the loss in their hearts. We all hurt. My dear friend Laureena, her eyes red and swollen with tears from the loss of a close friend of many years. Ami looking on with a sad look on her pretty face, Summer beside her, the soft green of her eyes reflecting the sorrow she felt in her heart. So many faces, yet one event bringing us all together like one united soul. So many friends each offering a comfort in their own way. Ana, with her prayers for us. Koheka paying her respects for our dearly departed friend. Roxy offering a tender hug, letting me know she was thinking of our sadness. Chantal, being there to support her friends in a time of need. Maria, giving tender words to help ease the pain. Hanshi offering no answers, but an understanding voice to help accept the tragedy before us. Even Sharon, despite the loss and sorrow in her own life, providing a caring presence to help us cope. The friends with me that night were perhaps the most cherished thing in my life at that moment, and even though I may have forgotten a few names, they are in my heart a strong as ever.

     As I sat there wondering why such a pure caring person would be taken from us, I looked over to John seeing the tears in his eyes. In many ways he was the luckiest one from all of us. He had heard her intoxicating laugh, felt her tender touch, looked into those caring eyes, and experienced the warmth of her gentle kiss, things I could only imagine and dream of . In many ways I envied him, but at the same time could understand how much he must be hurting now that all these wonderful things were gone, things that I only dreamed of doing one day. I looked down at my hands as I remembered all the moments she and I had shared.

     Its strange how one can think that anything good could ever come from a tragedy like this, but as the old cliché says, "The blackest cloud has a silver lining". Believe me when I say it seemed hard to understand, but as I looked around the studio at the friends around me, I knew what that lining was. Through my tears I was able to force a weak smile, a smile in appreciation of all my friends that sat here around me, the friends that shared my grief, the friends that understood my pain. I would never forget these people around me, and I would forever cherish the friends I had made here.

     I ran my hand along the canvas as I sat in the center of the ring, a lonely feeling consuming my heart. Tears, oh so many tear to cry, "will the pain end?", I kept asking myself. A gentle touch across my shoulders tells me I'm not alone. Its strange that anything good could come from this, but deep down I knew there was, and always would be something good that came from Marion's passing. That was the birth of another friendship. That night I discovered a person that was incredibly caring and compassionate, a person that could understand our pain, a person that offered herself to comfort me despite her own tears. That night I saw Samantha in a different light and she will always remain special to me because of the pure sincerity I felt in her heart that night. It was more than just a comforting touch, she gave me a feeling of security, a feeling that I was not alone, a feeling that despite I had lost someone I loved dearly, I would never be without a shoulder to cry on. I spilled my feelings of Marion that night, sharing memories that seemed so vivid, it was like they had happened just seconds ago. The dim lights of the studio cast a shadow before me of my figure sitting on the mat, but my shadow was not alone. The room was filled with the people I called my friends, and that night, Samantha helped me to see I was not alone.

     That night I discovered that nothing could ever replace the way I felt for Marion. Her spirit and memory would be with me for all time, until the day I would finally look into those sincere eyes. What we had built was from a shared passion, and now I felt the pain. It was her dream to share her passion with the friends that visited us here. As lonely as the walls of the studio may seem right now, they still echo with the sounds of her jubilant laughter, and will for all eternity. For the studio is not only a physical thing, it lives within the hearts and minds of all that enter it, and just like the spirit of dear Marion, will continue to live as long as one person remembers. I will always remember.

     Often I hear how this is only a virtual world, that things that exist here are not real. Is it? Are the emotions not real? To me a memory is very real no matter how it is obtained. That alone makes this world as real as any other because of the fond memories that live in my mind from being here. In many ways this world is more pure than what we call our "real lives". Here we see the people for what they are. No race or color to corrupt our judgement. No accents or nationality to base an opinion on. What we see here is pure, we see the true person. Not a face or an appearance, but a heart in its purest form, and a picture that is painted of how we see that person. The picture I have in my mind of Marion will always be seen as a timeless masterpiece, the wondrous beauty of her heart and soul painted on the canvas of my mind for all eternity, a beauty so wonderful it can only be seen with the heart, not the eye. God I'm going to miss her.

     That night...Forever etched in my mind. The tears may one day dry, but the pain of losing someone I loved so dearly will live on forever. Even though that pain can never truly be eased, it can be made bearable by one thing...the bond of my friends. So now as I sit in the center of the studio, the soft glowing candle light illuminating the surroundings with a gentle glow, I see the reason I am able to move on. It is the people I call my friends, all brought here by one common thing. The love Marion had for being with her friends. That love lives on in her memory, and her memory lives on in me. Marion...one day we all will be together again, but until then the warmth of your spirit and memory will live on in my heart. Sleep well my dear friend, one day we will be together again.