Death of a Dream

by Nitro

    The light film of sweat on her lightly tanned skin gave a sexy sheen under the lights of the studio. Amanda stood in her corner looking across the ring at Lynn. The look of anticipation normally in her eyes was no longer there. I could almost feel the mixed emotions in her as I looked on from ringside, yet we had agreed this was something that needed to be done if we were to continue. Lynn had always been strong emotionally, but as she looked back across the ring at Amanda, I could see the look of uncertainty in her eyes as well. In many ways this would be the make or break point of the studio. Ever since the accident ... the accident ... yeah right. It was no accident. What it was didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was that one of our closest dearest friends was robbed of an irreplaceable gift, and now the memory of that fateful night hung over the studio like a dark cloud. This had all been fun until this point, but now ... now the vision of her crying in my arms in the center of the ring etched itself into our minds like a cancer, constantly growing and causing more pain as it did. We all loved her, and if for no other reason than to preserve her memory, we needed to keep the studio alive.

    This would be the first match in the ring since the night of the accident. Lynn and Amanda had agreed to wrestle each other again in an attempt to rekindle the spirit among the girls that somehow seemed to be lost now. They stood in their corners waiting for my signal to start the fight. I rang the bell, and they walked to meet each other in the center of the mat. They stood looking at each other for a moment, then slowly embraced each other. Lynn looked into Amanda's tear filled eyes sympathetically and asked, "You gonna be ok?" in a soft voice. It was strange she would ask, because deep down I knew she was just as torn up about this as Amanda was. She nodded slowly, wiped the tear from her eye, and took a step back.

    Taking a deep breath, Lynn grabbed Amanda's red locks and pulled her towards her as she lifted her knee. The slapping sound of skin on skin echoed through the studio as Lynn's knee impacted Amanda's firm belly. Amanda dropped to her knees holding her midsection, a grimace of pain on her pretty face. Lynn looked down at Amanda as she slowly began getting to her feet again. Even though the move looked to be brutal, I could see that Lynn's movements were not as precise as they usually were. At the same time I knew Amanda had been winded by the move, but her relatively slow recovery to the knee was not normal. I could see their hearts were not in this. As Amanda slowly got to her feet, Lynn grabbed a hand full of her hair to speed up her attempt to stand. Once Amanda was on her feet again, Lynn reached between her legs, and scooping her up as if to body slam her. She held Amanda in a slam position for a second, then ran across the ring, driving her opponent into the corner behind her own weight in an inverted position. Amanda grunted violently as the air was forced from her body. As Amanda remained sandwiched between the corner and her attacker's body, Lynn grabbed her foot, and hooked it under the top rope turnbuckle so she hung upside down helplessly trapped in the corner. Lynn took a few steps back to admire the helpless redhead hanging helplessly in the corner in front of her. Amanda's arms hung down limply, her eyes closed, and a blank expression on her face. It seemed like she had lost her will to fight. Lynn looked on for a moment, then walked back to the corner, gently unhooked Amanda's foot, and lowered her to the mat. Amanda stood up and looked at Lynn for a moment, then whispered something in her ear. Lynn nodded, then hugged her tightly as she turned to look at me. She slowly shook her head as she climbed from the ring, still holding Amanda.

    I could understand Amanda's fear and uncertainty seeing as how she had been in the ring the night of the accident. She too had been injured, but not nearly as bad as her partner. The first thing she saw when she regained consciousness in Lynn's arms was her dear friend crying helplessly in my arms. I knew the trauma of that night was burned into her mind like a photograph ... it was in all of us ... the sad thing was I didn't know how to deal with it. I watched as Lynn and Amanda walked back to the dressing room arm in arm, a strange feeling in my gut. Slowly I got up and walked to my office.

    Lynn reached across the desk and squeezed my hand. I looked up smiling weakly at her, doing my best to cover my emotions, but she knew what I was thinking. Amanda stared down at her hands, picking her fingernails nervously, she knew that I could read her eyes better than anyone and maybe it was just her way of caring for my feelings. It didn't matter ... deep down I knew what it was going to come down too. I started this whole thing over two years ago, now I had to make a decision. I got up and walked over to the door, leaning against the frame as I stared into the studio. This used to be a fun place, now all I saw was the scene from that night ... I would never let that happen again. Lynn looked at me sympathetically, as she leaned into me for a comforting hug. I looked her in the eyes as a single tear rolled down my cheek. "Call the other girls", I said, "We need to meet". Lynn's face seemed to loose color as she nodded slowly.

    I had made a decision. In the past two years, I had grown to love all we had built here, but at the same time I had grown to love the people that had worked with us on this project. One thing I was not prepared to do was allow another one of my friends get hurt. So as much as it pained me, Lynn and I had decided to shut down the studio. That night as we met, many emotions filled the room. No one wanted to see it end either, but it seemed like the only thing to do. Some of the girls took it harder than others, but for the most part we all felt the same way. Maybe one of the hardest things for me was to look at Lynn and Amanda and try to convince myself this was the best thing to do. I could feel the disappointment in them when we talked, as well as the pain and anguish from the aftermath of the accident. Still, no matter how I tried to put that scene out of my head, I still felt like I was being transported back to that moment every time I looked at the ring. Sometimes times it seems like the right decision always seems to be the most painful. Not often I my life had I felt helpless, but this is one time that I did. If there is one thing that can be said, its that the company of friends can always help to lessen the pain of tragedy. Most of the time. Only now that pain seemed to be shared by most of us, and leaning on each other for support only seemed to make the nitemare more intense.

    That morning the phone seemed to have a cold sound to it's ring. I knew who it was and knew what she was going to say.

"Hi Amanda", I said in an emotionless voice as I picked up the receiver.

"Hi", the voice replied on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry, but I need to tell you this", she said in a choked up voice.

"I'm listening", I replied.

She continued, "I need to get away. I need to forget this ever happened. Its tearing me up inside."

I sighed deeply as she spoke, for Amanda was one of my dearest friends, and the thought of loosing her pained me more than I let on. She didn't need that added pressure.

"I'm leaving town tonight, can I see you before I go?", she asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way", I replied.

    The dim glow of the restaurant lights seemed to create a mood I had never anticipated I would feel here. Its strange how a person's emotion's can interpret an atmosphere in a different way depending on the state it is in. Lynn and I, and even Amanda had frequented this place often during happier times, and the lights always seemed to create a romantic, and even an intimate setting. But not tonight. Tonight the dim lights seemed to give a depressing feel, almost like they reflected the moods we were feeling. Amanda looked down at her plate, nervously moving the food around with the fork. I looked at her from across the table wanting her to look up at me, still she stared down. Slowly I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. Instantly I felt her grip tighten on mine. She looked up at me, her eyes red and swollen with tears. No words needed to be said, I knew how she felt. For the remainder of the evening we spoke, and she spilled her deepest feelings to me. Her reason for wanting to leave were very clear and understandable to me. Despite my wanting her to stay, I accepted the fact that she needed to leave. Later that night, Lynn and I saw her off at the bus station in what had to be one of the most emotional farewells I had ever experienced. Would we ever see each other again? I had no idea. I could only hope. As we rode back to the studio, I could feel Lynn squeezing a little tighter as she clung to me.

    In the weeks that followed Amanda's departure, various movers and other people picked the studio clean of any valuables. Lynn and I had decided to sell everything and close up the building. All that remained was my old desk, and some remnants of what used to be a flourishing video production studio. The building was mine, and eventually would go up for sale as well, but for now we concentrated on clearing out any valuable assets. One night while checking the rooms of the studio, Lynn cornered me.

"What are you going to do now?", she asked in a concerned voice.

I looked down at my shoes struggling to find the words to tell her. In many ways I loved her, but the harsh reality of the tragic events that had happened left me with a feeling of deep rooted guilt. At times I felt responsible for what had happened and felt it was my fault for not seeing the early signs leading up to the accident. I looked at her trying to find an easy way to tell her. Lynn looked back, her eyes wide, almost like she was scared at what I was about to say.

"I've always been honest with you Lynn, your one of my most cherished friends." I said, struggling to keep my voice from cracking. "The more I look around here, the more I feel this was all my fault. As much as I loved everyone here, and all we did, I need to get away and forget all that had happened. I need time to think."

Lynn looked down for a moment, her breath struggling like she was trying to hold back a flood of emotions. "I understand", she said in a soft shaky tone, "In a way I feel the same."

    We shared one intimate evening the night before she was to take a flight out of town. For all I knew, this may be the last time we would ever be together. For that one short evening, our fears and pains were forgotten in each other's arms, but that feeling of security left with the rising of the morning sun. That day we spent saying good bye to our many friends. The only regret we had was that Heidi was no where to be found, as far as we knew she had no idea of what had happened. Late that night I stood holding Lynn tightly at the departure gate, tears filling both our eyes. I kissed her softly as the cold voice announced the last boarding call for her flight out of here. There are certain things in life that despite their relatively short time frame, seem to burn a lasting memory in ones mind that is as large the vastness of the universe itself. Such a moment happened that night. As her hand slowly slid from mine, our eyes met one last time..."I'm gonna miss you", I said as she walked down that lonely corridor to the plane. The last words she said were, "I already do", her voice stricken  with emotion.

    It's strange how the mind tries to convince itself everything will be alright, when your subconscious is screaming at you loud and clear that its not. As I stood on that asphalt staring up at the night sky, I felt like a part of my soul was leaving on that plane. Deep down I knew that Lynn meant more to me than I had ever let on, and I had a vibe her feelings were the same. So as I watched the strobes of that airliner disappear into the blackness, and the roar of the engines turn into a fading echo, I felt an emptiness over come me. I stared up into the night sky for what felt like minutes but turned out to be hours, and soon the sun began peeking out from the horizon. For the first time in my life, I actually felt lost ... where would I go ... what would I do? I started my bike and headed back into town.

    As I took my last walk through the studio, I couldn't help but hear the ghosts of the past crying out. Many good times had happened here, as well as our share of sorrows. Still the bonds and friendships we had built always seemed to prevail, and if one thing can be said, it was that the good times exceeded the bad, big time. Maybe that's why I felt the ghosts were crying, they didn't want this to end either, but it was over now, and it had been a fun ride while it lasted. Yeah ... right ... that's what I tried to tell myself, but I knew it ran way deeper than that. I suppose it's just the minds way of trying to convince itself that everything is going to work out. God I hoped so.

    The place felt cold, like part of its spirit had died as well. Only small reminders of what had happened here remained. The video editing room that once contained a state of the art video processing station, now was nothing more than a few old cables and an empty table. My office now only contained my old desk, it had a broken leg from some careless mover running into it no doubt. The dressing rooms now were vacant, and felt void of any life. The laughter and tears I used to hear in these walls was silent, only the memories remained now. Even the ring seemed different. The ropes now hung loosely between the posts, drooping like they knew this was the end. I sighed deeply as I climbed up onto the apron and looked around one last time, reminiscing all that had happened in this very ring. A soft smile crossed my lips as I looked at the spot where Lynn and I had ended our match, and started our relationship. God how it seemed like such a short time ago. I could only hope the pain I was feeling would end one day.

    Boards covered the windows now, and the lack of sunlight gave the place a depressing feel. I paused at the door and took on last look around before walking out. The slamming of the door behind me was another sound that seemed to echo down to pit of my soul. I knew I would never forget that sound. The key seemed cold in my hand as I turned the lock for the last time. Again I sighed. This was it ... the studio was officially done ... and it hurt. As I looked down at the tank of my bike, a flood of emotions filled my head. The roar of the engine shattered the silence as I drove away. Would I ever return? I didn't know, but for now I could only see a dim future at best.

    I paused before I walked into Jack's Bar. The old neon sign buzzed and flickered like had been for years. The place seemed lonely now despite the people sitting around drinking and talking. Our corner table, where Lynn and I had spent many hours talking and just being with each other, stood alone. Jack turned towards me from his place behind the bar and smiled weakly. He didn't need to talk, I could read his face like a book. He knew why I was here.

"Ya know", he said in a rough growly voice, "I'm gonna miss ya's."

I returned his weak smile and replied, "I know man, it's been fun but I gotta go."

Jack looked down nodding slowly as he rested his hands on the edge of the bar. "Well," he murmured, "If your ever back in town, make sure ya stop in, ok? There's always a table here for ya."

His voice almost seemed to crack as he spoke. I didn't blame him, I felt the same way. He looked at me confused as I tossed the keys to the studio on the bar.

"What are those for?", he asked.

"For the studio, my friend." I replied, "I won't be needing them anymore."

His hand quivered slightly as he grabbed the keys and looked up at me. "And what about the girls? Are they...", his voice cut short as I nodded.

"Yeah", I replied with a heavy voice, "they're gone their own separate ways too."

Jack seemed hurt by my statement. "What about Lynn?" he asked. I looked down, then looked back up at him slowly. He nodded sympathetically as he saw the water form in my eyes. "I know", he said. "I know".

I extended my hand for one final shake from the grubby old man that had become my friend. Jack shook my hand, then reluctantly let go as I said good bye and walked toward the door. "Good bye my friend", I said as I walked out for what may have been the last time.

    Outside the air was crisp. I closed my jacket as I kicked the bike to life. In the distant sky I could see the flashing of a thunderstorm rolling in. "A fitting mood for the moment", I thought to myself as I drove off. I took one last ride past the studio on my way out. The building stood dark. It was time to go. Soon the city was only a small light in my mirror as the road stretched out before me. The lightning flashed around me as I rode away from the place I once loved. This chapter of my life was over. The night was my only companion now. The dream was dead ... and ... part of me with it ... fade to black.